I love that song by Snow Patrol.

If I lay here…. would you lie with me and just forget the world?

My husband left me again yesterday morning.

He’ll come crawling back. He always does at the end of the week. But his life job is in NY now, leaving me as the nanny single parent of his children.

It’s fine.  I’m fine.  WE are actually quite fine.  But my productivity is decidedly… not fine.  For example, I’ve been in the same pajamas since he left.  Other than educate our son, I’ve done nothing productive since Sunday. I haven’t exercised, gone out or cooked. Heck, I haven’t even done anything unproductive.  I haven’t napped, haven’t read and haven’t watched TV.

I still have Sunday night’s episode of my beloved Downton Abbey waiting to be watched.

I’m just lying here in my bed, humming Snow Patrol, refreshing Twitter and waiting for hair washing day to come so I can exercise again.  I don’t feel sad, or blue, or depressed – just…. paralyzed. Unmotivated. And perhaps overwhelmed by all that needs to be done.

Done for what?  That’s the problem , I don’t exactly know.  A full scale move/ downsize to NY?  A partial move and family commuting schedule between home and a small apartment in NY?  HUGE change looms on the horizon for us.  It sounds like a lot of pressure… but apparently, it’s not quite enough to motivate me to declutter, donate and dump in preparation.

What is wrong with me??

It’s not ideal, but neither is it a bad thing when Spin is gone.  We really do okay.  (Most days.)  The worst of it is that when he is gone, there’s not much that motivates me to cook get dressed put one foot in front of the other.  And in that case, it’s a good thing he is gone.  Because otherwise, according to Pat Robertson, my current state of disheveled undress would be to blame for my husband’s drinking and our ensuing marital strife.  (Someone needs to take old Pat out back…..)

So yeah, stay in NY, honey.

Once there’s a time frame and a plan of action, I know I’ll spring into action, so maybe for these few dreary, rainy days it’s okay to breathe easy after school and just forget the world.

Is it?   If I lay here, will you lie to me?

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