Is it okay to not like a friend’s kids? I’m not naturally a “kid person” anyway, but I would like to think I’m just not an “ill-mannered kid person”. (Why are so few kids well behaved these days? And what do you do about the ones who have their parents so snowed by outward performance? I can tell you what NOT to do…. that one cost me a lot a while back. More later since, right now, it’s beside the point.)
What about the friend who is so into themselves that you know the literal minutia of their life, whether you care to or not? Does it make me a good friend because I listen? Or a bad friend because I’m suffering through the listening? On that note, this particular friend is a God-send when there’s something BIG I’m going through…. but when it’s ever about me, it’s got to be BIG. Otherwise our relationship pretty much consists of the agonizing, mind-numbing, petty details of her life and thoughts…… (moan).
Or the “friend” who will only be your “friend” if she can be in total control? No thanks.
I know I am a generous friend – I know I regularly extend grace to my friends who need it. I know how to come alongside my friends, encourage them, speak truth into their lives, pray over them, anticipate and meet their needs and minister to them. I am fairly confident those things make me a good friend.
Frankly, I think this is more about boundaries. I used to stink at personal boundaries – which I have learned a lot about in the last year and have begun to put in place. They aren’t mean-spirited, but healthy, reasonable and right. This process of becoming, by its very nature, is changing who I am.
So what is the rub? Is the change in me producing some guilt that I need to process? Heck, I even feel guilty for not feeling as guilty as I think I should – or know I would have in the past. Most of my friends respect me for the choices I have made, but I do feel badly that there are a handful who are “hurt” because I don’t allow them to walk all over me anymore. However, part of this process is learning how to be okay when others choose not to be okay. As a result, I am free – I like who I am becoming – and I LOVE that I can say that.
I’m just different than I used to be and “different” isn’t “wrong.” I KNOW I am a good friend. But I’m learning to be good to me, too.
