Webs

I’ve been trying to figure out how to illustrate a difficult circumstance I’ve been in for the last 18 months. It’s tough. Without wanting to to discredit how awful it’s been – I fear brutal honesty may misrepresent my true heart. It’s part of why I started this blog. I needed a place to put this.

If you only remember ONE thing, please let it be this: I have no desire to sit over anyone in condemnation. I am so far from perfect – and am desperate for grace and mercy myself. I am well aware of the plank in my own eye! It’s something God lovingly reproves me of with some regularity and I am broken. But like a balm to my aching soul, God’s Word is a respite for me. I have been camping out in the Beatitudes…. not so much in a forlorn sense, as much as a desperate desire for righteousness.

Matthew 5:3-12

³“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
⁴Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
⁵Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
⁶Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
⁷Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
⁸Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
⁹Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
¹⁰Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
¹¹“Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.
¹²Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

I believe every relationship is for a reason, a season or a lifetime. (If you’re a friend of mine, you’re reading because I am trusting that we have a lifetime friendship.) The loss of one of my dearest relationships has recently devastated me. But I must be honest. For as painful as the circumstances were that precipitated the loss, more regrettable is that the relationship was clearly never what I thought or hoped it was.

So, I’m not the first person to fall out of relationship with someone – even painfully so. But dang if the Lord hasn’t kept me in closer proximity to this person than is reasonably comfortable. Which is why I can liken it to a web. We’re in the exact same social, school and church communities – we have almost entirely mutual friendships – we’re even neighbors! As a result, the boundaries I have absolutely needed to establish have affected my relationships with many, many people. I struggle regularly with wondering where I fit. Questioning if I do.

This is not a matter of conflict resolution, simply because our (mine and hubby’s) willingness to humbly submit to one another has not been reciprocated. Making ‘nice’ would require inauthenticity – a price I’m not willing to pay. And so, I’m just left with the consequences of a difficult, but right, choice. I can certainly attest that doing the right thing doesn’t guarantee a happy outcome.

So – back to the point at hand. Webs. The problem is they’re sticky unless you are the one who constructs them. The owner moves freely, continually spinning out of sheer quest for survival. And anyone unfortunate enough to get caught up in it is toast. Believe me, I see it for what it is.

For as clearly as I have been “black balled” by this individual, we are still regularly included by others ON the web. I have never spoken of this to any of them in a way that is not above reproach. It’s been hard, because my flesh wants to defend myself, but it’s just best not to go there. (Waaay easier said than done.) And, when we must politely decline social invites for the sake of maintaining boundaries, it sucks. We’ve lost much more than simply a friendship.

Sadly, my sweet daughter is in a microcosm of the exact same situation with the daughter of “The Spinner”. There’s not much I can do, save pray over her, encourage her to be gracious, pray it through and stay above reproach. Girls are mean. Even big girls. It’s a life lesson that stinks.

I’ve had counseling on this – I am in submission to my Godly husband on the issue – and most importantly, we are on Scripturally solid footing. I pray for freedom from bondage, both for myself and for my hurting sister-in-Christ on the other side of the matter. But beyond that, I have no further responsibility to fix this. And so, I continue in my quest of learning to be okay when those around me choose not to be.

So now you know…. and now you will understand my frustrations with certain social dilemmas. Sometimes I’m angry – sometimes insecure – but mostly, I’m just really sad. So, would you pray for me? And for my estranged friend? Because I still really do care about her. She was as much family to me as anyone could be. There isn’t a day I don’t want this to be different. But more than that, I want her well.

What about you? Are you familiar with webs?