Breaking my Fast With Humble Pie

Tough to know where to start…. this has been an, ahem… humbling fast for me.

Oh, there was NO lack of bloggy fodder this weekend…… I went through some withdrawal on Friday and Saturday with knee jerk reactions of wanting to blog. By Sunday, I was content to not feel like I had to blog. And yesterday, I had a hard time bringing myself to sit down and get back to it. For real.

God showed up, y’all in His merciful, faithful way when we simply invite Him. Some of it is too personal, even for an anonymous blog, but suffice it to say that He called me to repentance of some things – one of which I don’t have the victory over yet, because I’m just not ready to relinquish control. I’m slow that way sometimes, but mostly when God wants to do something that’s not my idea.

I’m a big, hot mess. I’m telling you. I just am.

He and I also had a long talk about this blog. I love this blog. I love you, dear reader. I’m so grateful for the new relationships I’m finding in this…. but, how do I say this delicately?……. blogging has become too much of a drain, a life-sucker, an addiction that has come at the expense of other things that should be my priority.

I do not want to be a slave to this blog. But I must confess that I have been.

There’s an exponential element to blogging, both good and bad. Bad, in the sense that the minute you get your reader cleared out, there’s more to read. The minute you hit Publish, your mind is lusting for the next new post.

I could never work at the library… or the post office. The idea of never getting “done” would make me insane. “Going postal” is no mystery to me.

(And let’s just be honest – it’s probably also why I cannot do laundry. God knew what He was doing when He gave me a man who was raised by a father who did all the household laundry. I never even had to negotiate that…. it was just part of the package.)

((But I digress.))

Where were we? Oh, yes. Feed readers, posting, and let’s talk about the evil that is linking. God bless all you exponential “linkers”. 50 million blogs. How am I ever going to read them all??? Every day?

I could just cry.

And stats. I have a new appreciation for the term “stat ho”. I hate that. ‘Cause it just doesn’t look good on me.

It’s all just exponentially overwhelming.

But it’s exponential in a good sort of way too…. because I have met so many great friends who linked to me from a link – or who I found by linking from a link. And I’ve been blessed in exponential ways I would not have been had it not been for these lovely blogs and the women who author them.

I am persuaded that this blog is a good thing, with exponential potential, as long as it is stewarded in the right way – and not be given opportunity to be used to distract me from my priorities. Because that’s how the Enemy rolls, y’all. He’ll use whatever he can to trip us up. Oh, how many times the “good” has been the enemy of the “best” in my life….

That is part of God’s word to me this weekend, “I will multiply that which glorifies Me.”  And He confirmed it to me in Isaiah 49.

Well, that’s where He had me. My heart is to glorify the Lord in all I do, starting with the priorities He has ordained for me. Those being (in order):

• my relationship with Him
• my relationship with my husband
• my relationship with my children
• my responsibilities (home school, household management)
• ministry/ relationships (and my blog falls into this category)

I am embarrassed and ashamed to admit that my priorities have been royally screwed up since I launched this blog and began putting what belongs on the bottom at the top of the list.

My world has consequently been upside down ever since.

Hubby concurs. (And why does he always get to be right??)

Thus saith the husband: “This isn’t about the blog. I think you should absolutely continue to blog. For you, this is a time-management issue.”

Ouch! I suck at time management. It’s true.

Good thing I know he loves me. That hurt!

Me: “Well, do you have any solutions?”

Him: (a little too quickly, I might add) “Oh, I have lots of solutions. But you’re going to have to figure out what’s right for you.”

Did I ever mention that my husband’s boss is, like, in love with him, because of his multi-tasking abilities? Which is clearly something I do not possess and something that has not worn off on me. Yet.

And now, apparently, in addition to his freakish multi-tasking abilities, has nearly perfected the art of patience on a count of all the opportunity I give him to exercise it.

It truly begs the question: Is this marriage mutually beneficial? (snort!)

This isn’t the end, dear reader. This is just the beginning of this blog. I just needed a little knot jerked in my tail corrective reordering of my priorities.

I’m still navigating what these “solutions” look like.

For instance, I’d love to be able to post every day, but it’s not worth the pressure it puts on me. So, to begin with, I am done feeling like I have to post for the sake of posting.

There are some other things I am convicted of that aren’t worth posting, because I don’t want to imply there’s a “right” way to blog. This all applies to ME, MY BLOG, MY CONVICTIONS.

I am not your authority and will not presume that what God calls ME to, will always be true for everyone. I love you too much, dear reader, to do that to you.

So, thanks for your support. And thanks for continuing to read. I am committed to excellence and truth here – and in this case, it begins with rightly ordered priorities.

Even though I undeniably suck at time management.