Don’t Anyone Eat the Chicken!

Ah… the best laid plans.

Have I ever mentioned my total inability to accurately judge time?

Or my non-existent time management skills?

I took chicken out this morning in preparation for a nice family dinner with Spin after his business trip to DC. As I often do, I set it on the picnic table outside to thaw.

And then forgot about it. Oops. I mean, I didn’t completely forget about it.  I did remember it. Just maybe not in time.

It was more than thawed. It was half-cooked. Hot, soggy, raw chicken. Eeew.

I reasoned that it had to reach that temperature at some point in the cooking process, so it was probably okay and threw it in the marinade, hoping for the best.

Spin got home and asked what was for dinner. When I told him, I thought it might be best to get his opinion on whether or not it would be safe to eat.

He thought not. So I called his mother.

“Hi Betty, it’s Soliloquy. So, um, can I ask? I “thawed” some chicken today… but maybe a bit too long. It was rather…. hot…. when I remembered it, but it’s been marinating in the frig all afternoon. I figured it might be okay once we grilled it??”

She thought not. Figures. She always take Spin’s side.

So, not wanting to believe either one of them, I called in the big guns. Google to the rescue. And this is what I found:

Who to Call for Help

If you’re wondering whether your thawed chicken was left out of refrigeration too long, if the chicken casserole is safe to eat after 4 days, or you’ve forgotten what temperature you should cook the chicken, help is a phone call away. The United States Department of Agriculture (USDA) provides a toll-free hotline for questions about safe storage, handling, and preparation of poultry. Just call 1-800-535-4555, or in Washington, D.C. dial 720-3333. The hotline is open weekdays year round.

Don’t think I didn’t call. I needed a justifiable reason to eat out. The automated system guided me to the USDA Meat and Poultry hotline, as I eagerly anticipated who would pick up my call and tried to keep from snickering aloud.

(Seriously?? We pay people to answer these kinds of questions?? Don’t we have a senior citizen population with ample time on their hands for volunteer work?? But that would require an unlikely recognition of one of our country’s most valuable resources – and we are talking about the government.)

So yes, I called the U.S. Government about my chicken thawing question instead and GUESS who I got. You really won’t believe it.

A recording. The government only mans this particular hotline between the hours of 10am and 4pm Eastern.

Because WHY would they be available when the country is, oh, say preparing dinner??

I’m not gonna’ lie. The pre-recorded message was helpful. I learned that thawing poultry on the picnic table in the sun is not on the list of approved ways to safely defrost meat.

It’s a wonder no one has died yet.

So, out of necessity, we ate out. Mexican. On the patio – with a HUGE ol’ margarita….. and I was thinking all the while, “I really gotta’ work on this. My timing is terrible.”

Or then again, perhaps my timing is rather……… perfect.