Meet "Vanity"

Suzy @ woopigsuzy, Queen B and Marcy @ The Glamorous Life all asked about Vanity.

OMG. Where do I start?

Well, I guess with a perfect “Vanity” story.

I’ve mentioned that she and I are driving the kids to Florida next week to visit our grandparents. Our brilliant solution in getting her home to Pensacola from 10 and 75 in Florida was….. Greyhound.

I would love to say, “Oh I jest” here, but I can’t. It’s all true. She’s taking Greyhound home from Lake City, FL to Pensacola.

The redneck factor here is a foregone conclusion.

She prefers to think of it as “cultured”.

Yah – there’s no telling what kind of “culture” she’ll bear witness to in the eight hours it takes her to make what should be a four hour drive, what with layovers and at least one transfer. By herself.

Vanity is the only person I know who would take her darlin’ little self into a gun shop in Pensacola and buy her some pepper spray in preparation for her Greyhound experience. Because if there’s one thing you need to know about her, it’s that “No one messes with Vanity. No. One.”

And it’s not just pepper spray. It’s a three ingredient combo. Pepper spray, military tear gas and UV paint – legal in the state of Florida. You know – in case her attacker gets away. Because UV paint? is pretty much a dead give away that you wound up on the wrong end of Vanity.

I’m so not kidding.

Vanity is the “newer model” of Soliloquy. Genetically speaking, at least. (If you don’t count the 4 inches she has on me in height.)

Vanity isn’t her real name. It’s just… fitting. And I’m trying really hard to come up with an adequate description of who she really is – because I have don’t really have anything negative to say….. which basically means it won’t be funny, right?

She is 13 years younger than me. She’s actually closer in age to my daughter than she is to me. For real.

She is newly married – and her husband is the BEST thing that’s ever happened to her. She’s a gorgeous girl with a bright future. She’s a TON of fun – the life of every party – and walking with the Lord. She’s really committed to growing and becoming – so she’s really got everything going for her.

I’m SO happy that she’s figuring out how to be who she wants to be so much earlier in life than I did. And as she gets older, we’re becoming closer and closer. I genuinely enjoy her.

The only reason she doesn’t know about this blog is because I don’t want to put the burden on her of having to keep it from anyone. There have been several times I’ve wanted to tell her about it – because she would LOVE it. (She even sent me an Anne Taintor compact mirror for my birthday. It KILLED me not to tell her my whole Anne Taintor BFF story! Killed. Me.)

Bottom line – I don’t need for her to know. She doesn’t need to know and there’s too much risk involved.

I’d love for Bailey to respond to this post. Look for her comment, because she knows Vanity well. She has her own sister-version of Vanity (our sisters were friends growing up), so we relate well on this issue. I’d love to hear her take on this.

Vanity is really the most colorful in the cast of characters I refer to as family, with maybe the exception of The Donald. But he’s a story for another time. Another time indeed.