Hardly Recognizable?

Did any of y’all read my own comment to my last post?

The one where I replied to Spin by saying I FELT LIKE RUNNING last night?

Well, did anyone other than him notice a slight inconsistency?  I mean, that’s not something I would ever normally say.

In my own defense, it’s not like inconsistency is unfamiliar to me.  If anything, I am consistently inconsistent.

It’s a gift.

But this?  Happened on Friday.

Me: “Honey, I went to the Container Store today.  Guess how much I spent.”
Spin: (bracing himself, all too aware of my container fetish) “$130?”
Me: “Less.  Actually, nothing. I got there and was so overwhelmed by all that I wanted to buy, I couldn’t decide on anything. So I left.” (Choosing rather to think of indecision as …self-control.)

This happened too.

Me: “Honey. I also went to Anthropologie. Guess how much I spent.”
Spin: “Oh sheesh. $150?” (Hellooo?? I said Anthropologie, not Target.)
Me: “Nothing. Because if I was going to spend anything, it would have been a minimum exceeding $150 and I just wasn’t in the mood.” (Choosing rather to think of depression as …self-control.)

and this….

Me: “Oh, and I went to the Apple store for the Bluetooth you’re forcing me to get. Guess how much I spent.”
Spin: “Good. You need that Bluetooth.  There are laws, you know. $100?”
Me: “Wrong again. The nice Apple lady told me I could use my ear piece with the mic built-in while I’m driving. So, I spent nothing.” (Choosing rather to think of not really wanting a Bluetooth as … yes, self-control.)

Needless to say, Spin was shocked by my…. self-control.  He immediately asked if I was feeling alright, followed skeptically by, “Who are you? And what have you done with my wife?”

Nice.  Here I am thinking of myself as….. self-controlled and generally low maintenance – and he’s questioning my identity.

But then he and his ulterior motives (Nina, you may want to stop reading here.) redeemed himself and took me out for margaritas. And I was happy.  And he was happy. (And that’s a whole other post for a more appropriate audience.  *You know who you are.*)

Also, to his credit, he did not ask what I had spent on my hair in the same afternoon.  (We have a strict “Don’t Ask – Don’t Tell” policy on the hair.)

Anyway, all on account of the spending inconsistencies and the whole running the hill thing, Spin is suddenly worried that something untoward may have happened to me, and someone else (clearly someone more disciplined than I) has possibly assumed my mundane existence.

While I cannot. begin. to. think. who would do that, I’m not going to lie.  I could be happy tied up in a closet about a little “break” somewhere.

But because we all know how much he needs me in bed at home -  he’s offered $3,500 for my safe return. (Go read his comments for yourself if you don’t believe me.  And then ask yourself….. not exactly complimentary, was it?  To assume that a woman with any form of discipline whatsoever could possibly be his wife?)

Hmmm. Let me think on this for a minute -  He didn’t say ‘No’ to my simple request last week for the same amount of money, but neither did he say ‘Yes’……..

It’s all coming together, dear reader.

I do believe believe I have freaky internet friends who happen to believe in the cause in both Dallas and Orange County. I’m fairly certain either Shauna or Marcy would be willing to “hold me for ransom”.

Heh.

Oh. alright. Game over.

Whatever the reason for my recent inconsistencies, I fail to see how they are worrisome. In fact, I would argue they are indeed mutually beneficial.

Rockin’ a bikini?  Good for us both.

Inordinate …ahem, self-control?  Again.  Good for us both. (Bedroom not included.  Duh.)

$3,500?

I’m just sayin’….

Has the jury reached a verdict?  What say you?

Good for us both.

No further questions, Your Honor.