Aw, who am I kidding? I’m a lot uptight.
My stomach is in knots and I just took a preventative Immodium AD. I’ve never been so nervous.
Today was the first day we could apply to the private Christian school across the street from our subdivision. I just got home, and I’m telling you, I wasn’t this nervous when we submitted our application for our adoption.
I don’t know how I could possibly be more invested in my children’s education. It’s kind of the nature of home schooling. Spin and I have prayerfully considered our options each year – but never more so than this year – and this is where we are confident He has led.
If God isn’t in this transition to private Christian school, then I have missed Him completely.
Either that or He’s doing something of such a nature that I shudder to consider. (I’m not going to lie. I just shot up a “I want to obey, Lord. Just please don’t send me to Africa. (Or Amsterdam.)” kind of prayer.)
What is it? Is it anxiety over turning my children’s education over to someone else? But honestly, how much scarier can that be than being fully responsible for it up until now?
More than likely, it’s anxiety of turning my children’s entire academic summary over to someone to evaluate. To see if it passes muster. To see if they’re “good enough” – to see if I have done a “good enough” job.
I feel so vulnerable right now.
As I sit here in the quiet, empty house – at least for the next 15 minutes before I have to go pick Nina up from Spanish – part of me is terrified that this quiet empty house will never be a reality they won’t get in.
Yes, yes. I know God has a plan for my children. I know that His plan will most assuredly do right by each member of our family.
But right now, I need that knowledge to sink from my head down into my heart as peace.
{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
Do the kids have to be interviewed as part of the application process? If so, make sure you tell them not to tell the interviewer that they hate school. That’s what my nephew did. True story.
Medicated and Motivateds last blog post..my boyfriend thinks he’s a comedian
Paying for you right now. Can you make a few moments to sit at His feet and read his word? That almost always brings me peace.
franticallysimples last blog post..View from the Bottom Bunk
Actually, I’m pRaying for you. That private school sounds expensive.
franticallysimples last blog post..View from the Bottom Bunk
*hugs* I know how you feel. I went through this when I put Michael back into public school. Remember that God is in control…2 Timothy 1:7 says “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
When I am overcome with fear, I repeat this verse over and over until I become more at peace. Praying for you!
Annabelle @ Christian Mommas last blog post..I will go where You lead me
Thinking of you today! Dont stress….those kids are pretty darn smart if what I saw in a weekend meant much. I mean, your son was speaking with chipmunks! Amazing.
bflss last blog post..VOTING is ON!
Hang in there. You can’t do more than you’ve done. And like you said, He has a plan for you. Trust in it.
Kristen@nosmallthings last blog post..For Today, January 20th
I want all of Soliloquy’s bloggy friends to know how amazing this post is.
Soliloquy has poured her heart and soul into our kids’ educations over the past 8+ years. And, it wasn’t an assignment that she asked for…she was really given no option.
Yet she jumped in with both feet…and sacrificed her agenda, her personal goals, and sometimes even her sanity, to shepard Nina and Stink…and I use shepard in the Biblical sense…because she gave them a spiritual education as much as anything else.
We have pretty good kids…and I credit Soliloquy for her sacrificial heart, tender spirit, and gentle guidance. She would be the first to admit that she hasn’t done everything perfectly…but that’s never been something she aspired to. She just wanted to be real…and Christ-centered…kind of like with this blog.
I’ve never been more proud of her than I am today as we take another step toward this transition to the private school. She has made an investment in these kids that I am confident will have eternal dividends.
No agenda here…I’m not in trouble…I’m not even home…I’m out of town this week. I just thought you should know, dear readers.
Spin
“I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish that He didn’t trust me so much.” –Mother Teresa.
I work in public schools and have had several students transition from homeschool. Everyone of the parents has been happy with the timing. You know yourself when it is the right time. It isn’t about judging past teachers (homeschool or otherwise) – the right teacher will do whatever it takes to help the child learn. It will all work out the way it is meant to work out!
Jennys last blog post..Think Cold Thoughts
I can only imagine your anxiety. I get hives whenever it is a testing year because I know my children’s scores reflect more on me as the teacher!
If you have prayerfully considered it (you have), are all in agreement (you are), then rest easy and LET Him be in control. And then know that so many are praying for you all.
i totally understand your fear.
take a deep breath, friend. you are not alone.
love you.
aleces last blog post..make me laugh: winner
Wow, Spin sounds believable! I pray your heart is eased. Everything in Gods timing. I am sure the kids will pass everything with flying colors. And when they do, pat your self on the back for a job well done and then go get a margarita!
rrmamas last blog post..Riding around
Dude. I love me some Spin.
Annnndddd. I understand wher e you are coming from. Never once did I give any thought to which school my kids would go to when I had babies. I didn’t stress about it at all. NO ONE warned me what a HUGE deal the school issue is. And while I would NEVER home school-for numerous reasons (one being my sanity) I have had to move my kids from one public school that sucked to a private school with a Harvard Tuition and then on to another public school that rocks. And each transition has been hard. And I have worried and fretted over ‘what I was doing to my kids’…each time having panic attacks that I was ‘screwing them up for good’………..and in the end. When we got into the good school (where they are now) it was the biggest relief ever. It will happen. Be positive. What school in their right mind wouldn’t take Stink & Nina? The are awesome. Because of YOU.
Chin up.
The Glamorous Lifes last blog post..I am not really this shallow. Okay maybe I am.
I don’t even know what to say. I’m no where near having to deal with that.
I do know that I could never do what you have done for the last 8 years! It takes a special kind of person to take on that big of a committment. Your kids are lucky that they have a mom that is so dedicated to their education!
I hope that everything works out the way you want it to!
Heathers last blog post..Happy Birthday Bitty!!
I understand. We have never home schooled but we pray continuously over our kids’ education – public, private or home schooled. Our previous decision is re-evaluated each year. And, each year God has answered us in very clear, concise ways. Does that always calm my mommy heart? No. Does that mean I’m not trusting Him? No!
It just means your mommy heart is working. Keep claiming the assurance you have that this is God-led. The timing and all the rest… he’ll handle those.
Blessings!
Dawn Ws last blog post..The 44th on January 20, 2009
Oh, I am feelin’ ya sister. We put the kids in private school this year after years of homeschooling them and I was so worried that it would come out that I am a complete and total moron who did not teach my children one stinking thing.
My 14 year old and 11 year old are both on honor roll.
The kindergartener is not doing as well, but what is Kindergarten anyway? Stupid teacher.
She’ll be fine next year when she is old enough to go to kindergarten. That teacher is lucky that I allow her to teach my child.
Sheesh.
I am praying for you. I know that God is going to bless the children and your decision. How could they not want those delightful children of yourse? : ).
Life with Kaishons last blog post..ABC Wednesday: the Beginning
I just spelled yours wrong. Clearly, I needed to be homeschooled : )
Life with Kaishons last blog post..ABC Wednesday: the Beginning
I just came across your blog, and I’ve enjoyed my pitstop.
I’ll have to make more frequent detours around your part of the ‘net. Also, my verse for the day was about trust, so I thought I’d share. “Trust the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6
Oh girl. I’d be on pins and needles. I hope you get the answer you want and soon!
Musings of a Housewifes last blog post..Ranting and Raving
I haven’t homeschooled, but I can totally get where you’re coming from here. The fear of evaluation — the idea of someone else critiquing all that you’ve poured in to your kids. I would be a nervous wreck, too! Can’t wait to hear the news!
Michelle@Life with Threes last blog post..Just so you know how we’re holding up around here…