I am posting from the confines of dial up internet my mother-in-laws’ house. I had debated whether to post this draft or not, but seeing as I’m not within striking distance Christmas is OVER, and I’m feeling a tad suffocated isolated from my blog world, I’ll go ahead and post this from Spin’s laptop as I sip on my smuggled raspberry Smirnoff Diet Coke.
(I would love to take credit for being such the rebel, but it was entirely Spin’s idea. Yes, yes – I am a well-loved woman but it was really less rebellious than it was ‘wise’. Because honestly? I’ve never found the Baptist Convention to be quite so delightful than from my ‘diet Coke’- colored haze.)
Anyway – the last of the Christmas posts. I think.
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I’m afraid this year I picked up a reputation for being anti-Christmas.
And that is just not entirely true.
I’ve got nothing against the presents part, because hey! I am all about the materialism giving – but the whole trite traditions part?
Join me in the deepest recesses of my analytical mind, won’t you?
Does anyone ever question what we’ve been indoctrinated with since childhood? I have no problem whatsoever with the ‘real Reason for the season’ – but I feel like we miss it completely amid a shroud of things that we do for no other reason than ‘that’s just what we do’ without questioning or understanding the majority of it.
Can anyone tell me why we might go door to door singing? What if a group of people came to your house on the 4th of July and serenaded you with America the Beautiful and the Star Spangled Banner? (I did not just have to Google which one was our National Anthem.) Would you not think it a tad off? But at Christmastime, throw the doors open, heat the neighborhood and sing along with the intoxicated strangers on your step. Why not??
Why is there a fake tree in my house?
WHY ARE THERE TWO?!
Christmas cards. Why? While I’ll admit, I do enjoy the updates, photos, etc. - honestly, tell me something I don’t know. Hello? Facebook. And what’s with cards with no picture, no letter, no note? Just frosty paper with a signature. Um, thanks? All you gave me was a damned coat of glitter that I won’t be able to get off my hands until next week.
Hope it felt good to cross that off your list.
In what other universe would I line up to put my kid on a pervert’s stranger’s lap to lie justify how they had ‘measured up this year’ and place a request for how they would like to be rewarded for said behavior and then give him credit for the gift I paid for, wrapped and produced on Christmas Eve?
Why the jingles? Santa Claus Is Coming To Town? I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus? Now we’re romanticizing performance-based behavior in our children and letting them believe Mommy is an adulterer?
Open your eyes, people!!
My kids are probably going to resent me one day for my lazy ass cynicism unless they choose to embrace that they come from a vuh-erry long line of Christmas slackers and can they really blame me for how I was raised?
My luck though, they will have inherited their father’s and his mother’s and his grandmother’s freak/ocd gene, over-achieving die hard love for all things Christmas and resent me with what they believe to be full reason.
Which brings me to my point.
These women worked their fingers to the bone at Christmas time. I? Worked my Amazon Prime account to the bone.
His mother, while raising three hellions boys, keeping an immaculate home and working full time somehow made the time to bake 27-I-wish-I-was exaggerating different kinds of Christmas cookies and keep a record of said cookies and the exact quantities. Each year.
Yeah. It was in the binder just to the right of the “What I Served for Dinner to Whom and When” binder and on top of the “New Recipe Rating and Comments” binder.
DO YOU THINK I KID???
MAY I REMIND YOU WHO I’M MARRIED TO?? He didn’t just come from the stork, you know – although that’s what he has convinced himself of. Any other possibility makes his butt pucker. Butt, (heh) that’s a different story for another time.
It’s not at all that I’m anti-Christmas… I love the giving. I love basking in the awe of a Savior who came in total humility and hardship to redeem me. I don’t ever want to discount Christmas for what it really is. I am anti-kill-yourself-being-busy-getting-it-all-checked-off-without-asking-what-the-traditions-mean-and-why-thereby-completely-missing-the-wonder-that-is-Christmas.
And I don’t think that’s a bad thing.
Merry Christmas. Seriously. Who says merry anymore?
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
Okay, I don’t know if it was your intention or not, but this post cracked me up.
I agree with a lot of it, especially the card part. I have spoken to some of these relatives…these people that were IN MY WEDDING, and I sent them a nice note and picture in a Christmas card, and I got from them a picture. No signature, no note, no nothing. WTHeck? I don’t get that. Why even bother.
Okay. That is my ONE rant re the season. I love the rest of it. I love the carolling, too. One year a group came to our door and it cracked me up because they were all dressed up in costumes and I swear one of them was a tomato. I never understood the Christmas tomato.
TTFN
all i have to say is …
27?!?!?!
Raspberry vodka? Will have to give that a swing. My MIL is here and causing much pain. Can I get the vodka in IV form?
Let’s talk about the biggest useless tradition of all: the annual Christmas fight. Right now, two of my brothers are *mad me and my sister and we are all pretty pissed at my parents.
I am so glad that I live 500 miles from all the loonies and that a) it is too snowy, b) we are needed here with my husband’s widowed
problemmother, and/or c)I just can’t make myself want to be that involved in their mess to make the drive down.My family’s carol would be “I Saw Mommy Choking Uncle Mike”.
Happy New Year.
*Maybe that is a bit too mellow of a description. The words “she is dead to me” may have been used.
A bit of a flair for the dramatic don’t you think?
I love it!!! You should try Malibu Rum and cranberry juice, the rum takes the tart of the cranberry. And for the record, I still say merry.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Every year I am asked for my Christmas wishlist. And ever year, it isn’t good enough, because there’s nothing on it she had in mind to buy me.
So why, you may ask, would I be asked for the wishlist in the first place?
Good question.
And also every year, everyone wants to see everyone all on one day. We have 4 sets of parents between us. It’s like a bad movie with strikingly beautiful central characters.
So, we’ve decided that next year, our wishlists will ask for donations to a charity in our name, and we’re going skiing. Just the six of us.
And we’re not telling them until Christmas Day where we are.
That’ll be the Merriest Christmas since 0 A. D.
This year we stayed home, since we just moved. IT WAS DELIGHTFUL. We’re leaving this Wednesday to visit All the Family (must pack away some of my mommy juice boxes). It was nice not to feel guilty about who got Christmas morning or Christmas Eve, and who needed what and blabbity blah blah. And of the 3 nights, who gets two??? We did what we wanted. Had spaghetti for Christmas dinner. When we were ready to eat. No stress. No freaking out. The girls stayed in jammies for days. DELIGHTFUL.
AMEN and AMEN!!! My husband is about the Santa thing and it makes me mad he gets the credit for all my hard work and $. My son kept coming to me and saying thank you for the drum set (this was his “santa” present) and every time he would say that…my daughter would “correct” him and say “that’s from Santa not mom and dad” and after about the 50th time that day I looked at my husband and said…that is really ticking me off. Some dead old fat guy is getting the credit for what we did. He was like now mom…don’t ruin it for her just yet. ARRRGGGHHH!!! I let it slide THIS year…can’t promise what will happen next year!
Ahhhh, hahhahahhahhaa.
Thanks for the laugh, woman, My sentiments Exactly.
You rock!
Happy Freakin’ Holiday to You Too!
~Scout
27 different kinds of cookies? Seriously? Hopefully at least a dozen of those were alcohol-based.
As for my take on the Christmas cards with no note, no letter, no picture? NO! POINT!
A binder for recipe ideas and comments? Get out of the city. Or get out of the Baptist Convention. Either/Or : )
Life with Kaishon´s last blog ..A Post that won’t bore; Christmas Presents Galore