Mother Nature Owes Me. BIG.

Can we talk about the weather?

Please don’t say no. My only other option is to call my mother-in-law.

I used to laugh at what Southerners called ‘winter’.  Well,  I still do really, because things like THIS happen.

We had a trace of snow on Thursday night, nothing even measureable, but wouldn’t ya’ know, a ‘winter weather advisory’ was issued, school was closed on Friday, Stink’s Sunday afternoon basketball game was canceled and Target was closed.

Did you hear that?

They closed Target.

I’m gonna’ go ahead and admit that the side roads were in tough shape but only because no one in this state knows what to do when precipitation freezes. They all just stand around looking at each other, scratching their heads.  It’s really a simple matter of sand and salt, but lacking both, their best and only solution is panic, “Citizens: Stay Home!”

It’s just as well.  Spin and I laugh in the face of treacherous road conditions (especially Georgia’s version of treacherous) but in truth, the most ‘treacherous’ element of winter road conditions down here are Southern drivers.

Yes, Georgia.  Please, stay home.

We had the roads to ourselves all day Friday, but like I said, school was out, Target was closed, and there wasn’t enough snow or ice for parking lot donuts.  It really was a wasted luxury.

What I’m not laughing at is the temperature.  It’s like freakin’ Minnesota here, I kid you not.  Blood thins, people. We are not prepared for this crap.  I’m layering the thin wool I do have, starting my car ten minutes before I leave and scrounging through old winter relics to find at least a mismatched pair of something – anything – for my hands! (No hat though. Static turns my hair do into a hair don’t. It’s not pretty.)

Listen, it’s so cold that the day I forgot to use deodorant last week, I realized it was completely unnecessary anyway.  I can’t get my body temperature above a hypothermic 95°.

I’m talking it’s been in the teens here for well over a week with wind chills in the single digits. Admittedly, that’s a mild Minnesota winter day, but still.  Minnesota. What’s worse, the forecast (which you know will be right for the first time ever) indicates no end in sight of these bitter temps.

To this, I say…  it’s not faaaaaaaaaair.  I suffered through the July and August humidity with little more consolation than come January, Mother Nature would make it up to me with her balmy 40′s and 50′s.  Now she’s telling me it was all for naught???

Hey Mother Nature – back it up, lady! Let’s get this straight, shall we?  The deal is, you keep your arctic cold fronts NORTH of Tennessee in exchange for me sweltering through what dubbed this city ‘Hotlanta’. Remember?!

I’ve been cheated.  Wronged.  Swindled.

You know what Mother Nature has given me? I’ll tell you she’s given me.

She’s given me the worst of both states.

Mother Nature, you owe me. You owe me BIG.