Tales from the Sale

$825, dear reader. Eight-hundred-twenty-five dollars earned on the sheer volume of $1 items in my garage sale.  I wish I had taken a before and after picture.

There were any number of characters that passed through: your general “People of Walmart” crowd, those of the greedy, brazen variety and one elderly couple who negated any bargain they’d found by paying a locksmith $50 to get the keys out of their locked car.  Oh, and I learned some Spanish.

But I will tell you of the three most notable shoppers.

TALE #1

A lady comes with six clothing items.  Among them were one new-with-tags Banana Republic skirt and a only-worn-once orange Lacoste mens shirt.  I counted, tallied and declared. “$6.00″

To which she said, “I’ll give you three.”

Um, how ’bout NO.

“Ma’am,” I state with emphasis. “You have a brand new Banana Republic skirt and a Lacoste shirt here.” to which she replies, “I know!  It’s a great value.”

“Yes. A great value for $6.00.“

TALE #2

It was nearing my close time on Saturday.  A lady walked through my sale, found a pair of boy’s shoes for $1 and went out to her car for cash.  She returned, paid me, and continued shopping.

She then found a set of queen sheets for $2.  She offered $1 and I agreed.  She went back to her car for cash, returned, paid me again, and continued shopping.

At this point,  I started taking clothes off hangers to close down.  She was sorting through hanging men’s clothes, pulled off an armload, dumped them on a table and asked me how much. I picked them up to confirm what she meant.  “No, the whole table.  Everything under the hanging clothes as well.”, she said.  I begin counting and tallying.  40 items, $40 – but I’m closing so I say, “You have 40 items, but I’m willing to take $30.” She gives me a twisted smile, leaves the pile and goes out to her car, presumably for cash.

Or to start her car and leave.

Like I was supposed to give them to her??

TALE #3

This one is freeeeaky.  So, this lady (Stink calls her Geezer Lady) comes to me with an armload of six clothing items and says, “Would you be willing to donate these items to the tornado victims up north?  I’m out looking for items to take to them.”

“I’m sorry, no.”, I say. “Everything that is not sold is already going to a charity tomorrow.” (Thinking suspiciously to myself, “This is weird.  Why only 6 items? And why is she asking me to make the donation? Why not buy them and donate them herself?”)

She launched into the whole story about the family she was assisting, giving me waaaay more info than I wanted until I interrupted her and said I’d take $5.  She paid and left.

THEN STINK SAID, “Mom, do you know you just got totally scammed twice by the same person?”

Wha-huh??

When the sale was very crowded, he saw Geezer Lady move very quickly to her car with an armload of items that she STOLE.  She then came back with her story and her $5…. for what reason, I don’t know.

Are you serious right now?  Who steals from a garage sale??

Well. It gets even more freeeeaky.

Geezer Lady came back the next morning with a kid in tow who was wearing Stink’s clothing.

I noticed them right away.  He was wearing a bright orange Beatles t-shirt and as I’m thinking to myself, “Stink has that shirt.” she says to me,

“Recognize the clothes?  They fit just fine.”

Freeeeaky.

Ya’ll.  I did not sell her that orange t-shirt or the windpants. The six items that she paid for the day before were athletic shorts and white t-shirts.

But I didn’t physically see her take them.  Stink did.  What was I gonna’ do?

She whispered to me, “This is the boy whose mama I was telling you about.  I like to get him out and about. It’s good for him.” Um, what happened to taking the items to them??

She stayed for soooo long.  A good twenty minutes, browsing through and trying to convince me of chattering on about the woes of this family.  I don’t know what to think about it.  I want to believe she’s a good samaritan, but she sold me too hard on it. And she stole from me.

She went on to buy a $1 sheet set for her own bed, stating that she normally wouldn’t buy used sheets, but “You look like a clean person. I wouldn’t hesitate to sleep on them.”

Freeeeaky.

(Is it bad to snicker that Nina was conceived on those sheets?  Heh.)

She also bought a pair of brand new shin guards, still in the packaging.  I’d marked them $8, she offered $6, I stayed firm, (Firm, do you hear me?) at $8 and she paid up.

Finally, finally, they were walking down the driveway…….. unnnntil she abruptly changed her mind, brought me the shin guards and asked for her $8 back.

Who returns things at a garage sale??

You know what? I don’t care.  Just. Leave. Already.

——

In the end, the sale was a success. Despite the few that were disappointing, people generally amaze me.  More often than not, I was impressed by the gratitude I saw and was happy for the people who found great deals that in some cases were clearly needed.  It was a terrific reminder of how fortunate I am, a conviction of how little I really need and an encouragement that I am blessed to be a blessing.

Oh, and we earned a significant amount toward the boys’ Ethiopia support and got rid of a ton of junk.

That too.